Alex

Whoa. Thats all I have to say for the past couple days.

Work: getting a lot of hours and it's taking it's toll on me, but I need to work to get my system going.

Tonight I picked up Jeremiah and we went and saw Stepford Wives. We were bored and thats the only movie we haven't seen. Wasn't too bad, but not watchable again. Napoleon Dynamite...now THATS a movie.

We came back to my house and talked about the old school days. The white caramel incident with Paolo, the monkey, "white power. what the fuck?", and old relationships. My brother came home and actually sat out back with us and talked about all the good old days. It was quite fun remembering all the things we had forgotten about. Even the days when Jenni and I first started to talk/date.

Tomorrow is my last day of for another 5 days I think. They have me working all weekend. :(

My system is almost complete. My deck comes in on Thursday, then with my next paycheck (should be big enough) I'm getting my bandpass box and a decent amp. Shall be great.

I have no idea what I'm going to do tomorrow. Probably going to Centerpoint and seeing that Saved movie. Dunno yet.

I started going through my yearbook tonight too. I think I'm going to start calling up people next week and see how everyone has been up to. I always get numbers left in my yearbook, but never call them. Being out of high school now, I actually want to keep in touch with some of these people.

I think I'm going to go downstairs and watch a movie or something.

Oh yeah, I was on Thomas and Hayden tonight about 9:30-ish and someone drove by yelling my name. If it was you, please let me know :)

And with that, I'm spent.

I get a day off and they call wanting me to work. Fuck that. No way in hell am I going a full week of working without a day off. Sure, it's money, but no. I don't need money that bad.

Today is just a relaxing day. I'm going to watch Mystic River finally, then probably go up to my work and see a movie tonight. I don't know yet.

Boomp.

Past couple days I've been hanging out with Jeremiah and drinking. Fun stuff.

Couple days ago we went to the Biltmore and hung out with some of Jeremiah's other friends. This girl Nicole was really cool. Yeah. Scott, Jeremiah and I went and saw Shrek 2 the other night too. It was just something to do and we were bored.

Yesterday I bought my deck online. $197, but it'll be worth it. Next paycheck I can get my sub box and my sound system will be nice.

Last night I just sat and drank with Jeremiah talking about all the good old times back in sophomore and freshman year. All the times at Lindsay's house, all the old Amy times...times when we could really afford not to give a fuck about anything that was going on. I miss those days.

I have something on my mind and I'm really contimplating it, but I'm not sure I want to do it. I hate moving on in life, but this just may be the thing I really need. We'll just have to see.

I've been working like a mother fucker, so thats good. Getting some good money and putting it into my sound system for the car. After thats done, I don't know where my money is going to go next. I need to figure that out.

Anyways, I'm going to go take a nap and watch a movie or something.

I went to watch a movie today in my room. It didn't work out. Jenni and I always laid in my bed and watched movies...now it just feels weird.

I have to go watch it downstairs.

Things have passed. I'm good.

Tonight = drunk fun at home.

Things have been getting a little better. Not by much, but a little.

I'm just having a very hard time dealing with things right now. I'm starting to get pissy about everything.

It'll all go away someday.

Bleh.

Exhaustion is getting the best of me.

Today, as for sadness/depression, wasn't as bad, just the exhaustion. I was going to work a 10 hour shift, but found someone that would cover the last 3 hours.

Kristy finally told me how she felt about me. She can feel what she wants, but she's going to remain a friend. Thats all I want from her.

Same shit going on with Jenni, so I'm not even going to get into that.

Bleh.

I just don't know about things. Everything is coming together in this big mass of stress, exhaustion and sadness. Nothing is going for me right now. You want to hear of my day today?

Woke up at 9:30am. Went to work from 11:30am-8:30pm. Came home and here I am.

Thats been my life the past couple weeks and it fucking sucks. I do go to Danny's a lot. The reason is, my friends are the only ones that can actually take my mind off of how exhausted I am with everything. It's just not cutting it anymore.

Breaking up with Jenni was one of the worst/hardest decisions I've made with my life. If I could go back in time and just open my fucking eyes, I would've seen what was going for me. I was so naive. I see that now, and I hate myself.

I've cried myself to sleep a couple times this week. Everything is just coming down on me. I just feel like giving up.

I don't give a fuck what anyone else says.

I still love Jenni and I want her back.

Life has a way of bringing me down time and time again.

Life sucks.

Long time from the last update. Lets see, where do I start...

Not much is going on. I'm trying to find another job for summer because I need more money, but thats not looking to well. I just need to get my ass out more and start filling out more applications.

I graduate next Monday. That's a trip. This is my last week in high school...blows my mind.

Kristy is being all...meh. I don't want a relationship, but she's pushing for more and I'm not liking it one bit. She reminds me of Jenni almost...always wants to hang out, always buying me stuff and all that. I can't handle it. I need someone more like me.

Sam on the other hand is great. I really like her. She's open, fun, has a great personality, everyone at Danny's enjoyed her company and she just knows how to be herself. I really like her, but I will NEVER be in a relationship with her. Her past is enough to scare away the possibility of a relationship from anyone. We hung out at Danny's, I was drunk and we ended up in my car talking. Funny thing is, I could've had sex with her and it would've happened. But, I just wanted to talk for some reason, and thats what we did. It was really weird when I brought her over too, because everyone pulled me aside and actually congratulated me on finding a girl like that.

My Dad is back from Korea. He came to the house last night after Nick's graduation, but I had to go to work, so we didn't really get time to talk or anything. I work again tonight, so that sucks. I'm going to be tired as hell tomorrow.

I'm really cold right now and I don't know why.

I think thats about all that is going on in my life right now. I'm going to go take a shower and relax before I have to go to work. Later.

tonight

$100 =

She fucking got me a candle from the House of Blues, Amelie and Seven on DVD, a $50 gift certificate to Suncoast and a huge ass card. She's nuts.

Last night...I'll be honest with you, I really don't remember it. I had 4 glasses of Jack and coke. I remember some parts, but the rest is either blank or really fuzzy.

My Dad is flying in from Korea on the 22nd. Well, he's flying to Florida and has to move his stuff out, but I'll be seeing him around May 20th or so. I can't wait.

I just got a lot of stuff for my car for my bday. My bro got me a $40 gift certificate for Kona Grill. Sushi is damn good.

I went to go celebrate my 18th by buying a pack of cigarettes, but the fucker didn't even card me. How am I supposed to have fun in that?

Kristy is coming over later tonight and we're taking a picture together or something, so you'll see what she looks like.

My Mom is leaving for Cancun tomorrow until Friday. It's going to be weird without her here.

Well, thats about all. Tomorrow is school and work. It's going to suck going back to school after a 3 day weekend, then going to work after 4 days off.

"Rain rain, go away, come again another day, all the world is waiting for the sun..."

I found my new favorite depressing song.

Breaking Benjamin - Rain

I don't remember last night all that well...too many Jack and cokes. Anyways, I'll update later tonight. I have to go celebrate my 18th bday.


The Flaming Lips - Fight Test

I thought I was smart, I thought I was right
I thought it better not to fight
I thought there was a virtue in always being cool
So it came time to fight, I thought I'll just step aside
And that the time would prove you wrong
And that you would be the fool

I don't know where the sunbeams end and that the starlights begin
It's all a mystery

Oh, to fight is to defend
If it's not now then tell me when would be the time
That you would stand up and be a man
For to lose I could accept
But to surrender I just wept
And regretted this moment, oh that I, I was the fool

I don't know where the sunbeams end and the starlights begin
It's all a mystery
And I don't know how a man decides what's right for his own life
It's all a mystery

Cause I'm a man, not a boy
And there are things you can't avoid
You have to face them when you're not prepared to face them
If I could, I would, but you're with him
I'd do no good
I should have fought him but instead I let him, I let him take you

I don't know where the sunbeams end and the starlights begin
It's all a mystery
And I don't know how a man decides what's right for his own life
It's all a mystery

The past couple days have been great.

Thursday night I had planned on hanging out with Kristy. She hadn't called by 7:30, so Jon, Hank and I went to the dance concert at the school. Jon and I left 30 min into it because it sucked horribly.

Went up to Jamaican Blue and Kristy said she'd meet us up there. Ashley called Jon and wanted us to pick her up, so we did and then came back. Kristy showed up, we chilled for a bit, then we went to blockbuster.

We couldn't find the horror section at all. Took us about 20 min until we found it. The plan was to watch scary movies, so we picked up the Exorcist and Feardotcom. Got to her house and put in the Exorcist. We accidentally picked up the documentary, so we were sad. I met her Mom first. She was pretty cool and we talked for a bit. We started watching Feardotcom and her sister Colleen came home. I had already met her, so it was nothing big. At about 2am, her Dad came home and I had to meet him. I don't know what it is, but I'm fine meeting Mom's, but Dad's scare the shit out of me. He was a very nice guy, but still intimidating. Feardotcom got over, we talked, then watched Heartbreakers. Basically, it was a whole night of me and her cuddling, watching scary movies and talking. Great night

I got home about 3:30am, then went to bed.

Last night was interesting. Jon and I went to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Before we went, we had Dan buy us some Jack Daniels. We poured it into our flasks, went to the movies, got 2 large pepsis and drank in the theatre. It was entertaining. After that we couldn't find anyone to hang out with/anything to do, so we drank a bit at my house before Hank called and said they were going to Slices. We met Hank, Ray, Chase and Nathan up there. Talked, ate and that was it. Jon dropped me off and that was all.

Tonight...the night before my birthday...drunk I shall be. I can't really party tomorrow because A)it's easter and B)it's sunday. Tonight shall be the best.

18 tomorrow. Woo.